Welcome to the IHoP

[Penguin4x4 1,761]

[Godsmack 361]

(While having a girls night with friends and my mom)

Me: Let's get some tequila!

Mom: Oh no, Mother does not drink the Jose…

My friend: Why not?

Mom: Because tequila makes me hornier than a half-jacked mountain lion, and far less intelligent.

LOL This sounds about right.

J

[Randal Johnson 544]

[Penguin4x4 1,761]

[Randal Johnson 544]

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station,

[Ohjay 116]

bwahahahaha

[Randal Johnson 544]

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's

birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes

over to the counter.

A Cabela's associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says,

'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?'

He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the

counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.'

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says,

'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and

10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination; and it's on sale

this week for only $20.00.'

She says, 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it

dropping on the counter. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse, her credit

card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is

really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk

could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she

was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be $34.50 please.' The woman

is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel

were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?'

He replies, 'Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is

$11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.

[Randal Johnson 544]

Last one for today ...

A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date

' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says,

'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says,

'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'

The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her

friend.

'Well,' says the friend, all you need to do is look at her driver's license.

It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother,

'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,

'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,

'I know why you and daddy got a divorce..'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'

'Because you got an F in sex.'

enjoy ...

[The enD 467]

~23 feet of zero gauge bought. Let the party begin.

[The enD 467]

There is a reason why I don't say what I needed the wire for. When I told them it was for an amplifier they immediately start convincing me that I need smaller wire like 5 or 4 gauge, completely forgetting that I am putting less money in their pocket.

[S.DeYoung 968]

What a friggin' week so far. Work is nuts. It really isn't possible to get everything done.

[Penguin4x4 1,761]

[Penguin4x4 1,761]

[The enD 467]

lulz

[Adrian_D 520]

Hola amigos.

Hello Jamie !

[Adrian_D 520]

Wasted my afternoon today working with the backhoe. The guy I worked for kept telling me exactly what to do and the result was horrible. It's just like telling a cab driver to take you somewhere and then telling him how to drive the car.

[Tirefryr 1,742]

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station,

That's great!

[Tirefryr 1,742]

Jaime, was it you that got a job at Norfolk Southern?

[dem beats 1,223]

10 years since my last dentist appt. Thank God they only need to do some periodic cleanings to get some calcit build up off. One filling needs to be adjusted but its on a tooth that didn't have enamel on it when it came out.

Double thank God that my dental plan is covering 100% of it.

[Aaron Clinton 2,372]

First back to school night was tonight. Very nice tech features at this school. The rugrat is going to a magnet school for science and math, and they are spending good money on technology.

[///M5 2,833]

ALWAYS buy a used bike NEVER new. Just make sure you know how to fit the bike.

There is a rockhopper on craigslist for a bearable price at the same size as my old beauty.

What did you have, what size do you think you need, and what price?

I had a Rockhopper, heavy but durable bike that lasted me a long time. Size wise I am between a 19" and 20". Price, I would like to stay under $250 as I am not able to ride as serious as I used to, don't have the cash to really invest in something serious, and just need something quality and durable like my old Specialized.

Suspension or no? Preferred type of shifters?

Maybe front forks, but not necessarily needed. Shimano

Is it the top tube or standover that puts you on the 20"?

Good question, I think it was top tube. I cannot believe how far I have fallen out of the know on mountain bikes with how much I used to ride.

An old Breezer Lightning with some XTR shouldn't be terribly far out of your budget, one with XT will fit. not a pristine one, but then you won't feel bad riding it.

[///M5 2,833]

You ever fixed anything on a bike? Or have a friend who does? Mostly wondering as having that person peak at the bike with you wouldn't hurt...unless of course its you then it really won't hurt. Although its pretty easy and your biggest concern are the wheels & shifting which are easy to test. EVERY spoke should sound the same when you pluck them. Amusingly that is more important than them being straight. And when old shifters wear you have to get newer ones, lol. Shimano's are disposable, not rebuildable but luckily nearly universal so there are tons of swaps.

I used to work on my old specialized.

Cool. I just don't want to recommend a piece of ultra quality gear that needs trivial work that'll set you back a bunch beyond the purchase price. Parts are cheap if you know where to shop

[Penguin4x4 1,761]

Hate it when a teacher allows a "cheat sheet" for a test...ugh

[///M5 2,833]

Open book tests are always harder.

[Penguin4x4 1,761]

Very true; thank god for that